Vol. 181, No. 12.   *   CLOUDMERE, ENGLAND, DECEMBER 2004.   *   Est. 1823.

Hotel Whitecliff At the Center of the Square Serving the Distinguished Traveller Since 1782 Enjoy Our Christmas Pantomime Dickens' Chestnut Gets Roasted Tired of Tiny Tim? Crabby about Cratchett? Skeptical about Scrooge? Has even Pickwick palled? Then see A Christmas, Carol?, the daring Dickens parody at the Cloudmere Players' newly renovated space. "It's all very minimal, very actors' studio," says Miss Sally Sharpe, director and principal female lead of the Cloudmere Players. "Just three black walls and you. Oh yes, and a chair." Any actors? "Yes, of course," laughs Sharpe. "I play Carol." The Ferns 77, Arthur's Court Holiday Special: Roast Squab with Wild Cherries

St. Nick Sighted in Night Sky 'Santa's Early,' Swear Stargazers "While scrutinizing the heavens for the first signs of Bletchley's Comet," said Dr. Randolph Frutiens, head of the astronomy department at Gull College, Gull, "my students and I spotted a convex arc with discernible segments. Our ultra-powerful new telescope made it possible to identify the celestial phenomenon as a bearded man in a quadruped-driven conveyance." Stroking his luxuriant van Dyke beard, the distinguished professor mused, "We're still analyzing the phenomenon's signal-to-noise ratio, specifically the significance of the sound-pattern 'tawalaganei,' or 'towallaganite.'" Your Ad Here Only Five Pounds per Annum

Cloudmere Aviation The Height of Flight "Safe and Swift -- Give a Trip as a Gift" Gp Capt Henry Margate, RAF-Ret. Wee Ones' Corner The Grousemoor Home for Little Wanderers is having a Christmas party for all and sundry on Sunday, December 19. As a special treat, there will be an address by the new vicar, Father Trumble. Paper crowns and Christmas crackers will be provided. Maria's Teas One, The High Street Mrs. Mary Tremayne, Proprietress Don't Miss our Miniature Marzipan Village

The Cloudmere Gazette is published once per month, our news level not meriting more frequent publication.